Fearfully and Wonderfully Made (Thankfulness Challenge - Day 29)

I am thankful for my health, both the good times and bad.

I am thankful for my current good health. I still have to see my doctors frequently and get the usual battery of tests done, but overall, I am in stable condition, which to me means I am doing well. :)

For those of you who may be wondering, here's the back story.

All through my elementary and junior high years, I grew up with unexplained headaches, loss of appetite, fatigue, dizziness, bloody noses, and mixed diagnoses by several doctors. Finally, when I was a freshman in high school, our family doctor essentially gave up and told my parents to go to the emergency room at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. That one visit changed my life.

At the ER, doctors asked me what seemed like millions of questions and drew blood for tests. They sent me home to wait for results, and we received a phone call soon after. Preliminary results showed that I either had one of three types of cancer, Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis or Systemic Lupus.

I remember thinking cancer was bad, but I had no idea what the last two were. I pulled out our Britannica Encyclopedia (remember those?), and after a little research, I remember telling my mom that if I could choose, I'd choose Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis. With what little information we had, we anxiously waited until the final results finally came back and confirmed a diagnosis of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (Lupus).

What is Lupus? Here's a definition given by the Lupus Foundation of America.
Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can affect various parts of the body, including the skin, joints, heart, lungs, blood, kidneys, and brain. Normally the body's immune system makes proteins called antibodies, to protect the body against viruses, bacteria, and other foreign materials. These foreign materials are called antigens.
In an autoimmune disorder like lupus, the immune system cannot tell the difference between foreign substances and its own cells and tissues. The immune system then makes antibodies directed against itself. These antibodies -- called "auto-antibodies" (auto means 'self') -- cause inflammation, pain and damage in various parts of the body.

You may wonder why having a chronic disease is on my list of things to be thankful for, and I should clarify --- if a cure for Lupus were to be discovered, I'd probably knock you down to be the first in line. ;) But the reality is, there is no cure for it, and it is not likely that they will find one in the near future.

Despite the challenges of having Lupus, I am so very grateful for all the things that have come into my life as a result of it. It has been twenty two years since I was first diagnosed, and I would not be the same person I am today without it. Although having Lupus has meant giving up certain things in my life, I can honestly say that the blessings I have received far outweigh the temporal losses.

Because of this disease, I have been the recipient of the kind of love and support most people might not experience in their lifetime. I have seen the depths of my family's love for me, and the daily sacrifices they make on my behalf. I have been blessed by the outpouring of love and support from friends, and the encouragement from others with Lupus or other diseases.

Having Lupus has taught me to take my eyes off of myself and be more empathetic and compassionate to the suffering of others. It's hard not to learn that when you are so often in a doctor or hospital setting surrounded by others whose sufferings are far greater than your own. One of the most eye opening and humbling places for me was at the cancer center. I was there to receive IV chemo treatments for kidney disease, and every week I would sit next to men and women with cancer who were battling for their lives. How small my problems seemed to me on those particular days.

Because of Lupus, I have learned (and am still learning) to let go of things I have no control of, and let go of expectations others and I have of myself. I have learned that I don't have to be super woman, that it's okay to ask for help, to lean on others, and to be vulnerable.

I have also learned to embrace and cherish life, the people around me, and all the little moments that make up my day. It has given me a far greater appreciation for all the things I have, and all the things I am able to do despite of it.

Lupus has shown me that God's love for me is far reaching and greater than my disease; and though my body is weak, He has given me an inner strength and resilience that I may not have discovered otherwise. I have also seen God use my disease to encourage others, and seen how God can close one door only to open up another. This was the case when the physical stress of my pregnancy, and being a new mom took a toll on my body, and the door for future pregnancies closed. I had always wanted to adopt, and God had sovereignly opened up that door to bring us our daughter Bethany. :)

Most importantly, having Lupus has made certain truths of God even more real to me --- the truths that God has lovingly created me, He makes no mistakes, and that He works all things for good to those who love Him. During times when I am struggling the most with health issues, these two verses are always a source of great encouragement to me.

Psalm 139:12-14
"For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well."

Romans 8:28
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Since my post would not be complete without a picture, here's a look at what at times is my home away from home. :)

And by the way, I think I have the best doctors and office staff in the world! They have been seeing me for over ten years, and have cried and celebrated with me through the ups and downs. They love on my children and genuinely care about me and my family. I am so thankful for them!